Tickle Me, Elmo
by LazyMasochistBoot
Summary: Bella goes shopping for a certain toy for her nephew...what she finds there is much, much better than a Tickle-Me Elmo... Lemons and laughs. ONE-SHOT.


**A/N: No idea why but I cannot stop writing one-shots lately which is good for you but kinda bad for me considering I have other things I should probably be doing instead of writing smut. **

**This particular one-shot might be my favorite because it has a special meaning for me. Long story short, my nickname is Elmo. ;)**

**Hope you guys enjoy this lovely load of lemony goodness. **

****TME****

"Alice!" I yelled as she continued to babble and insist that I simply must get the right toy for Riley's birthday gift. "Alice! I will get the right fucking toy, okay? Shut up already!"

"Bella, it's his fifth birthday, you can't mess this one up! It has to be the right one!"

"Alice, for the love of toast, you wrote down the title, printed out a picture and even got the item number for me, I'm positive that I know which one to get!"

"Oh…okay, fine! But if you get the wrong one I will never forgive you! And neither will Riley!" I hung up on her and shoved my phone back in my pocket, grumbling. Riley was her son and the way she spoiled that boy should be illegal. Ugh. She's been nagging me for weeks to get the perfect Tickle-Me Elmo for her kid. It's not that hard—there's only one Tickle-Me Elmo. Plus, she'd given me several specifications of how to find it.

"Hi, welcome to Wal-Mart," the blonde and overly peppy greeter said to me as I walked into the store. I flashed her a fake smile as she pushed a cart to me. "Happy shopping!" she wished while I walked away. Ugh, if there's one thing I hate, it's overly happy people. It's ten in the morning and way too early for that shit.

Now, where's the frickin' toy aisle? I looked up to read the signs, labeling the different sections. Home ware. Cookware. Food/Candy. Appliances. Toys. Bingo!

I pushed my cart towards the sign, navigating through the mass of moms and kids as they did the annual Back to School shopping. Ah, I remember those days.

I wheeled down the aisle, nothing here but Bratz dolls and Barbie's. Must be the next aisle. …No. Nothing but Ninja Turtles and race cars—what the fuck? I tried the next aisle, the toddler aisle, nothing but fucking My Little Pony and rattles!

Where are the Elmo's? What the fuck kind of Wal-Mart doesn't have Sesame Street toddler toys? What is this fuckery?

A blur of a red and blue person passed in my periphery and I noticed the colors as the colors of an employee. Maybe they know where the things are! "Hey, you," I called, chasing after them with my cart. I probably looked insane but whatever. I turned down the next aisle, following who I now saw was a man. "Hey, employee person!" Finally, he stopped and turned to me. Holy fishpaste!

Edward Cullen. The very same Edward Cullen I'd fucked in a musty hotel room while on Spring Break last year. The one I hadn't spoken to since he left said room in the middle of the night. Fuck. He looked good.

"Bella?" he questioned, his brows raised in surprise.

"Yea. Long time no see…" I offered awkwardly.

"Yea," he said as his green eyes discreetly traveled the length of my body. "What are you doing here?"

Wasn't it obvious? "Um…shopping."

"Right. Yea, yea. So…is there…is there something I can help you with?"

"Uh…you know what? No. Nevermind." I did not want to do this whole awkward conversation with him. I could find another employee. I started to push my cart past him.

"Bella, come on," he stopped my cart, making me meet his eyes. "I realize how awkward this must be but whatever…you need help, that's what I'm here for."

I sighed. "Okay, fine," I surrendered. "I'm looking for Elmo."

An amused smirk appeared on his flawless fucking face, drawing my eyes, yet again, to his lips. "Elmo?" Fucker.

"Yes, my friend…it's her son's birthday and she insists that I get the kid Tickle-Me Elmo. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be in you guys' aisle so…do you know where I can find him?"

"Well," he sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets, "Elmo was taken off the shelves a while ago, due to unpopularity."

"Oh," I said deflated. Alice was going to be pissed.

"But…"

"But what? I'll pay any amount but I just have to get this thing!" I replied desperately.

He leaned into me, his sweet breath—which smelled like Spearmint and yum—wafting over my face and whispered, "There are still a few in the storage room. I could…I could sneak you in and maybe find you one…"

"Really? Are you serious? Won't you get in trouble though?" I was practically jumping up and down.

"We'll have to be sneaky. Come on, follow me," he motioned for me to follow him as he led me through the store. I can't believe he's doing this for me! I bit my lip nervously, knowing that we could both get in trouble for this but completely grateful to him for risking it for _me_. He led me past the dressing rooms to two tall grey double doors. He pulled a small card from his pocket and swiped it through the scan thingy on the door. The door beeped as he pushed it open. "Come on," he held it open as I walked through.

"Thank you for doing this, I know you must be risking a lot. Like your job," I laughed nervously and my voice echoed throughout the large room that smelled like metal and ass.

"Ah, whatever, I'm quitting next week anyway," he smiled crookedly as he led me through the mass of taped up boxes and rejected items. "I've got dreams that are bigger than Wal-Mart, y'know?"

He did? "Yea," I agreed, seeing as how I'd just quit my job at Newton's Market just last week. The last thing I wanted to do was spend the rest of my life asking "Paper or plastic?"

"Here we are." He tapped the top of a large box with the word "Elmo's" written in marker across the sides appropriately. "The little guy should be in here." He pulled a box cutter from his back pocket and quickly cut through the tape. Reaching in, he pulled out a brand new Tickle-Me Elmo, freshly tucked away in a red and orange package box. "Here you are," he announced, handing me the toy.

"Wow, all this trouble for this thing?" I rotated the box, looking at it. It was eight inches tall and funny looking and he was worth all this? Gosh, talk about overrated.

He laughed, taking a seat on one of the boxes. "Have you seen one in action? It's hysterical. Look," he pulled another Elmo from the box and opened it, sitting the little guy on the floor. He pressed his paw and we both sat back and watched as Elmo went at it.

The thing was creepy and funny at the same time. He laughed like a madman and scooted around the floor, slapping his knee like he'd heard the funniest joke in the world. You couldn't help but crack a smile at him. "Wow."

"Yea, he's something, isn't he?"

"Indeed, he is." I looked back to Edward. Way too much conversation going here for two people who'd fucked each other three ways to Sunday.

"Um…thank you, Edward, for doing all this. It's super sweet of you. I wish there was someway to repay you…" Fuck, I shouldn't have said that.

"Well, actually there is a way you could repay me…I…I've been wanting to apologize for leaving last spring…" Oh God.

"Edward, let's not ta-"

"No, I won't…I won't talk about it, I just wanted to say sorry. I didn't mean to ditch you like that." He looked genuine enough. Maybe he really was sorry…

"Well…thanks. Apology accepted. Thank you," I mumbled. Must get out of this room.

He smiled his familiar crooked smile. "No, thank you." he offered his hand. "Shake on it?"

I took his proffered hand and shook it, snatching my hand away as a tingle shot up my arm. Damn static. Edward's eyes were narrowed and curious when I looked back at him.

"Um…I should go. Thank you for this," I held up the box in reference and turned to leave.

"Bella," he called. I turned to him.

"Yea?"

"You look good. Well," he stammered, gesturing to me.

"Uh, thanks. You look…" Fucking gorgeous. "…nice."

"Look," he started, his hand swiping through his copper hair. "…would you like to go to dinner tonight? With me?"

Hold the fucking phone…did he just….no, he could possibly be so stupid… "I'm sorry, what?"

He hopped off the box and came to stand in front of me. "Would you like to go to dinner with me tonight?"

I don't know how long I stood there gaping at him. "Are you serious?" I scoffed. "You have got to be kidding me right now! You fucked me and then left in the middle of the night like I was some kind of slut and then you show up at _my _Wal-Mart and ask me out to dinner?" I yelled. "Who do you think you are, Edward Cul-"

My sentence was cut off as Edward yanked me to him and kissed me. I'm ashamed to say that melted into him as soon as I felt his lips. His familiar kiss. They were so fucking soft and...damn him. His tongue snaked its way into my mouth, caressing mine in a way that made my heart patter in my chest and Mrs. Pussy...she was done for.

"Please?" he asked as he pulled back from the kiss, his hand coming to cup my cheek.

"That's not fair," I breathed, staring at his lips then up at him. "You can't do that." I gripped his stupid blue and red Wal-Mart smock.

"Bella, that night was fucking amazing. Leaving was the biggest mistake I ever made."

"Stop," I begged. Ugh, I was so close to caving and memories of that sex filled night flooded my mind. The things I wanted to do to this man should be illegal...

"So, you'll come to dinner with me?" he played with a strand of my hair as he spoke.

"Yes," I sighed. How the fuck does he do it?

He grinned. "Thank you." His hands started to slide down my back towards my ass.

"What are you doing?" my voice broke because I knew what he was doing and I fucking wanted him to. Ugh.

"Bella, you know how it is when we're together..." he brushed his lips against mine, his hands gripping my ass. Fuck. "I know what you're thinking..." he kissed along my jaw, "...and what you want..." his lips laid a trail of small kisses down my neck, driving me crazy.

"Edward," I breathed, my traitorous eyes falling closed.

"Bella," he said lifting me and I locked my legs around his waist out of instinct. He cupped my neck, pulling my lips to his and kissed me hard. Our tongues tangled furiously and wantonly; desperately. Fuck, I wanted him.

I felt us moving as he walked us somewhere and soon I felt my back press into the cool metal wall. His hips pressed into mine and I moaned into his mouth as he started to grind against me slowly. My hips rocked back into him as I desperately searched for some kind of friction. I pulled back from the kiss as I felt Edward's fingers start to unbutton my shirt.

"What are you doing?" I panted, "Someone could walk in."

He smirked and continued unbuttoning. "That's the best part." Fuck, that was hot. I bit my lip as he slipped a hand in my shirt, snaking it around my back. The feel of his hands on me was orgasmic in itself.

His hand came to cup my breast and he kneaded it, watching me. "Fuck."

"I love these. Remember what I did to them last time?" he asked, licking his lips. Fuck yes, I remembered. He pulled the cup of my bra down, freeing my breast and then his fingers circled my nipple before pinching it. "How I sucked it..."

"Ungh," I moaned. He watched me as he lowered his mouth to my nipple and sucked hard. "Fuck." My hands immediately tangled in his hair, my hips rocking into him eagerly. His tongue swirled around my nipple, making my back arch from the wall. "Fuck. Fuck me!"

He pulled back with a satisfied grin. "I thought you'd never ask." He quickly unfastened my pants and maneuvered them down my legs, while still managing to hold me up. He smiled fondly at my panties-ironically enough, they were the same dark blue ones I'd been wearing last time he saw me. "Nice," he said, repeating the words he'd spoken to me before.

"Shut up," I mumbled, pulling his stupid smock off. He sat me back on my feet and kissed his way down my body. "What are you doing?"

"You don't remember?" he asked, pressing a kiss to my cotton covered pussy. Oh God. I remembered him kissing and sucking down my body then peeling my panties off of me before- oh fucking hell.

Edward hooked his fingers into the sides of my panties and pulled them down my legs. "This was your favorite part, remember?" He looked up at me with those fucking green eyes as he parted my legs and sucked my clit into his mouth.

"Oh my God," I moaned, gripping his hair.

"It's Edward," he smirked before sucking briefly on my lower lips.

"Mmm mmhmm," I nodded. His tongue expertly traveled all over my pussy, licking and sucking and driving me batshit insane. His thumb came up to rub my clit in fast, furious circles. "Edward, fuck."

So fucking close.

When I felt the tip of his tongue sliding into my pussy, I was fucking done for. I came quickly but powerfully, pulling his hair and moaning like a madwoman. My knees even buckled, if you can believe that shit. "Edward, holy shit," I panted.

"You're fucking delicious," he said standing and licking his lips and beginning to unbutton his pants. I could only whimper as he dropped his pants, leaving his very hard and very yummy cock on display for me. Fucking hell, give it to me.

"Fuck me," I practically begged.

"That's the plan." Grabbing my ass again, he lifted me and pinned me against the wall. I wrapped my legs tight around him, digging the heels of my feet into his perfect fucking ass. "Mmm, you are so ready," he hummed against my lips as he took his cock in hand and rubbed it against my clit.

"Yes, please," I bit his lip and pulled it, attempting to grind into him.

"Please what?" he taunted, swiping his tongue across my lip but pulling back before I could kiss him. Damn him.

"Fuck me," I practically growled.

With a smirk he hissed, "Gladly," and slammed into me. I cried out in absolute pleasure as he thrust hard, hitting a spot I remembered only he ever could. "Fuck you like this, Bella?" he growled in my ear, before biting and pulling my lobe. "Does your pussy like it like this?"

That shit drove me crazy and he knew that. I moaned his name in a breathy voice I didn't even recognize and my hands tangled in the hair at the back of his next, tugging and pulling like_ I_ knew _he_ loved. "Yes! Ungh!"

He moved his hips faster, his thrusts becoming frantic jerks, my back pressed into the wall almost painfully but I couldn't bring myself to care. "You are so fucking sexy," he breathed as his fingers started to rub and pinch and pull my nipples, leaving me a whimpering mess. "Just as tight as I remember," he mumbled.

My back bowed from the wall as he pulled out of me slowly before slamming back in repeatedly. "Yes, Edward!" Best cock I've ever had.

"Is it, baby?" Fuck, did I say that out loud? "Is mine the best?" he pounded into me, gripping my ass. "Huh?"

I nodded, circling my hips and groaning. "No, I want you to say it," he grunted, nibbling along my jaw.

"Best fucking cock I've ever had," I panted into his ear. His answering growl scared me and made me wetter at the same time. He spun us and laid me down on the floor, pinning my hands to the sides of my head.

He yanked the other side of my bra down, capturing my other nipple between his lips as he pushed back into me, thrusting frantically and groaning against my nipple. "Edward!" I called out, my voice shaking from the brunt of his thrusts. I grabbed his ass, pulling him closer to me. "Yesss fuck me!"

"Filthy fucking mouth, baby," he groaned.

"Mmm," I pushed his shirt up, scratching lightly down his sweaty, muscled back. "I'm so close! Please. Ungh, make me come!"

"Yes, come on my cock!" he quickly reached for my clit, rubbing it eagerly. "Come on, baby, come for me!" I moaned as he pinched my clit, his hips moving roughly.

"Shit!" I yelled as a violent shiver rippled through my body as I came, shouting his name. My eyes fell closed, my legs locking around his waist. I gripped his back, my nails scratching him. Edward groaned and I opened my eyes in time to see his face contort slightly as he came with a grunt. It was the sexiest thing I'd ever seen in my life.

"Fuck," I whispered as he rolled off of me. I can't believe I just had sex in a Wal-Mart. On the dirty floor. With Edward. In front of Elmo. "Did that really just happen?"

He laughed. "Yes," he confirmed, handing me his smock to clean myself up.

"Thanks," I said gratefully, wiping away the sticky mess. Ick.

"Best cock you've ever had, huh?"

I bit my lip. "Well...yea...shut up."

He turned on his side, chuckling. "Well," he ran a hand up my stomach to cup my breast, "yours in the best pus-"

"Hello? I heard some shouts, is anyone in here?" a voice called, accompanied by the sound of the large door closing.

"Fuck," Edward and I hissed at the same time, jumping to our feet and grabbing our clothes. And of course I grabbed the fucking Elmo.

"The back door. Come on," he whispered, grabbing my hand and running towards the back of the storage room.

"My clothes, our clothes! We're naked!" I said quietly. He sighed and pulled us behind a high shelf of boxes.

"Get dressed." He peeked around the corner, checking for the person as he pulled on his pants.

"I thought you didn't care about getting caught," I teased, pulling on my pants and fastening my shirt.

"I'd rather not let Embry see you naked."

"Possessive, much?" I joked.

He turned to me. "You have no idea." Oh. Well, that's hot. "Come on, let's go," he smirked.

Hmm. I tucked my panties into the pocket of his smock- that should be a nice treat for him later- and grabbed his hand.

He pulled me to two double doors, identical to those that we came in from. He pushed them open and the bright sun broke in, making me squint.

"Who's back there? Hello?" the same voice said, seeming closer.

"Nosey fucker," Edward said with a roll of his eyes. "Go."

The doors led to the back parking lot. "Bye. This was...fun," I said, slipping my shoes on and attempting to fix my clothes.

His crooked grin appeared. "Yes, it was." He grabbed my waist and pulled me in for one last kiss before pushing me back. "Now, go!"

"Fine, fine!" I grumbled, before turning to jog away.

"Bella! La Bella Italia on Park Street tonight. Seven o'clock?"

"La Bella Italia. Park Street. Seven. I got it!" I threw my hand up at him before running around the corner, Tickle-Me Elmo in hand.

**TME**

**So there ya go! For sexiness sake, let's pretend that somewhere amidst doing 'it' they took off their shoes. Haha. **

**You know what to do, 100 reviews = continuation. ;) Thank you for reading, guys. **


End file.
